In loving memory- too many gone too soon
All of us have lost coworkers. Some of us have lost too many to count. It’s a fact of life that plagues our lives, peppering them with trauma and grief. Losing my people is the reason I became an activist for change in the service industry. I needed something to do with my heartbreak and I found that I was overwhelmingly not alone in my quest to make a change.
In 2013, I suffered the most profound grief and loss I’ve ever experienced in the workplace. My coworker and friend, Chantal, suddenly passed away at the age of 24. Sudden heart failure took my friend from me in the blink of an eye.
I was working her shift the night she died. The owner of the bar brought each one of us downstairs individually to tell us she was gone. I’ll never forget his strength, he was there for every member of his staff as we learned the terrible news. Our sobs must have broken his heart over and over again. I know I am still haunted by the pain I felt that day. I feel it again every time we lose another.
We had to keep the bar running. We had to keep going, none of us knew of any other way. We took turns that night, crying in the bathroom and continuing to wait on customers. It’s a special kind of torture only understood by those who have experienced it. The show MUST go on.
Chantal was a very special person. Her heart was golden, she was smashingly beautiful, and smart as a whip. She was funny and sweet and so very kind. Her loss crushed us all. The void she left and the grief I felt made me feel helpless, heartbroken and gutted.
I know I speak for the industry when I say we all have our own Chantal. We’ve all lost someone too soon, someone we loved dearly whose loss left a hole in our hearts too big to ever be truly healed.
There is a specific attitude I hope to change within our industry, and that is an attitude of “inevitability.“ I refuse to accept the attitude, “well, that’s just what the industry does to people.“ Grief, trauma and loss needs to be met with action and licensed therapy, not only a shot of whiskey.
It’s high time for us all to pull our heads out of the sand and acknowledge our collective trauma. It’s only there that true healing can happen, and I know I speak for us all when I say healing is sorely needed.
In loving memory of Chantal Lenway
January 5, 1989 - June 21, 2013
Age 24
